iii.

“Who am I without you?”

Though pathetic, I often ask myself that question. Who am I, if not your companion, your friend, your confident…? I never know exactly where we stand. I never know if you love me as a friend or more. Hell, I don’t even think you know. My thoughts are all jumbled at the thought of you. I don’t know if you love me, or if you love the fact that I am so putty in your hands whenever you speak those three magic words. I don’t know if you’re a shitty person, as everyone else seems to think, or if you’re just confused, or if you just pity me. I really do pride myself in being an independent woman. I brag about the fact that no one, let alone a man, can drag me around, and yet here I am. I am weak in front of you. You make me weak in so many ways, all the while, encouraging me to be the stronger person I can be. I am so quick to give anything or anyone up for you. I am so quick to fall back into your arms. I am so weak. I am awfully weak.

I cannot imagine my life without you. I cannot imagine waking up one day and no longer having you around to talk to. I love you so much that it makes me the weakest of women, and that is something that I am extremely disappointed in myself for.